“The door”

Thoughts/ponderings created in Evernote on 8/10/2018

To the reader: often times, I jot things down on pen and pad, or electronically in Evernote on my phone etc. Sometimes I read them back, and they read to me like riddles, almost nonsensical, but meaningful in some way, some truth in it but clouded with distortion. “Case in point”, this entry I wrote last week, it’s called “the door”

side note– it has not been revised because I feel that would be dishonest and take away from the true emotion. I will be sharing some of my latest entries from Evernote in a series I tittled“thoughts/ponderings of a madman” which I feel are interesting, these lil shorts are not meant to be taken literally, I have a vivid imagination and often times that coupled with bipolar and my creative nature overdramatize situations depending on my mood. Hope you enjoy and feel free to leave me feedback or if you need help trying to decipher the message or just want to say hi, your feedback and/or likes are very much appreciated!


The door. The sliding glass door that leads to my backyard can be fickle. Case in point, at nights, when I try to open it sometimes, it jams up midway, barely allowing enough space for my hand to go through. It’s as if something has it jammed but then this morning when I wake up I am Feeling calm and go to open it and… No problems opening it whatsoever. It’s as if at night when I’m up to “no good” and my mind is running amuck, an entity holds it tight so as to toy with Me and frustrate me to the point of exhaustion but now upon reflection. I realize this entity is actually trying to save me. Has saved me. From doing bad things. How incredible!

Leo Horoscope from horoscope.com

Aug 18, 2018 – Welcome to another great day, Leo! The energy from the planetary aspects is positive and encouraging, especially when it comes to communicating and interacting with others. Take advantage of this. Get together with friends and family for a pleasant visit. Consider inviting people over for games or dinner. A potluck can be fun. You work hard all the time, so play gently today.


like vampires
thirsting for their next meal
ghosts in the night
strangers searching

their humanity-
it’s hard to tell what THEy are truly searching for
but my thirst
this insatiable beast that belies beneath the surface
comes alive
It can’t be tamed

to be continued…

Someone else

I wake up Pour a glass of whiskey straight, no ice, or mixer It’s 5am And I’m lonely Everyone else is asleep Probably drea!omg of wonderful things As I float in the pool My body becomes lifeless And I realize I would be ok with it If I lost my breathe And gave out I’m so loved but Oh so lonely And that loneliness brings me to my knees Makes me do bad things Become someone else completely The pleasure seeking fiend comes out To save the day A thief My savior Hope

And he’s back!

Look, I know in my last post I said I would try to post regularly but life and plans don’t always work out exactly the way we imagine, they rarely do. But that’s ok, we adapt and grow. A lot has been going on in my life, lot of soul searching and unraveling of my dark past and sordid  childhood. but it is essential to work through it so as to be in a better place, emotionally 

I just turned 35 years old on Jul 24 and with that comes reflection, and, I had a breakdown but got myself back up again. This post is just a short summary, more in-depth posts to follow.

 Blogging has always been a safe place for me to share feelings, a cathartic process,  but I wasn’t always honest with myself. And for the first time in my life, I am starting to deal with the big issues, the traumas and daily struggles 100% honestly, unfiltered and unafraid. This blog is for me but if you get something out of it then I think that’s a beautiful thing.

  Come with me along my journey of self -redemption and discovery.