The countdown

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Today

I turn 34 years old

I often think, “what will I look like when I am 40, what will I feel like, act like-“

when I turn 40!

Anxiety seems to get the best of me

I take a deep breath

and adjust my thought process

because

I have to live in the present

although even as I commit this to writing

I am already in the future and this post in the past-

I have to enjoy the moment

because it passes oh so quickly like the seconds on an enthusiastic antique clock

In my early 20’s,

everything moved so quickly. I barely had a chance to breathe but the speed didn’t bother me or at least I was able to handle it or at least that is the way I perceive it. Maybe I was so young, I didn’t care as much. But as I age I care so much more

it all matters–

I am putting the puzzle pieces together

a difficult 2000 jigsaw puzzle that is and was my life

slowly fit into place

Things changed in my mid 20’s

into my 30’s

I used to think (when I was young) that I couldn’t wait to get older

I was 18 and I wanted to be 21

25 and I wanted to be 30

but now how silly I was

naive even more so

because I wish I could push the brakes or at least slow it down

but the shocks as on a train have worn out

and the train comes barreling through the station

that’s how it feels.

this desperate moment

Time

is its own entity

it can not be manipulated

it propels us further and faster into the future

like a slingshot does to a rock

so…

make each moment count. Make each day matter. Becuase our internal clocks are counting down, heading towards our expiration date. And one day I will wake up and 40 will have snuck up on me as my 20’s and 30’s did. I can’t slow time down but I can make each moment count.  I am 34 and I am in a good place. Thank you supreme being up in the sky, for watching after me all these years and not letting me get lost forever. Blessed be to you.

 

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