Last night I had intense cravings of hooking up with another. Back to my usual routine, chatting with dudes on Grindr, Scruff, and Craigslist. I was on a mission. I was obsessed. Lost in the moment to my sexual thirst completely. It was 5 am when I finally went to bed. I talked to many but didn’t connect with any. But I’m glad it didn’t work out. It wasn’t meant to be. My guardian angel, destiny, someone, something stopped that from happening. I am thankful. Because the spell I was under, in my condition (bipolar) is a bad combination. I get fixated on one objective and it’s all I can focus on. I tired myself out.
Not before I had an OBE (out of body experience) where I saw a figure robed in white sheets standing at bedroom doorway, teleporting to my bedside and revealing a macabre face. Shook.
The whole time, I was floating above my body. I could see myself sleeping, the room exactly as it was when I went to bed. Forced to witness the atrocity but unable to do anything about it. I struggled to wake up but to no avail. I calmed down, took a deep breath and woke up. I ran to the restroom and sat on the floor in light for awhile (until daylight broke). I calmed down and went back to sleep.
Today I feel much better. Rested. The spell is gone. My focus back on my family. This is one of the reasons bipolar can be a curse. Shit like what happened last night stuns me. It terrifies me. But I am back to one. Alive. And well.