Sometimes I wish I could just wash it all away. The panic, pain, fear, and anxieties. Fighting this war within myself is exhausting. I feel guilty for even thinking such thoughts. But I can’t help it. I’m broken. It’s an unshakable feeling of desperation and pain. My past submerged deep into my subconscious. Mind-melting with emotions. Oceans wave that sucker-punches me, leaving me gasping for air, trying to breathe, to float, to prepare for the next wave.
Such is my life.
A series of turbulent ocean waves. The solution has always been my writing. As I pen this post, I begin to feel better. The sun is shining bright. I made it to my destination, my next meeting, to talk about my research project with Dr. Weatherford. My moment of weakness has diminished. I am strong. I will keep fighting this battle. There is a purpose for all this madness. This constant ebb and flow of happiness and sadness. He made me this way because He knew I could handle it. He made me this way for a reason. Even in our darkest days and moments, we are worthy of life.
Keep fighting that valiant battle. Cherish each moment!