Panic-stricken-war between nature and mankind (a rant on my current state of mind)


I don’t know if I should feel safe and comfortable knowing that my neighbor and others around me are prepared, locked and loaded [ with guns and ammo]. Makes sense, being that we live in a military city. I had a conversation with my neighbor, he explained that he was prepared, had a 6 months tub ready with provisions, also mentioned the ammo and guns he had [ in case anyone tried to come and disturb our peaceful community]. Which brings me to my point, my current forward flow of thought, tangled with opposing frequencies; my bipolar mind goes there, thinks in worst-case scenarios. What if one of those people, stocked up on ammo, living amongst us, snaps. Then what! I don’t want to go there but my mind doesn’t allow me the freedom to feel safe despite the feeling of safety. It doesn’t allow me to remain calm despite the calm setting, which happens more often times in an in a time of oncoming crisis. It doesn’t allow me to breath, sleep or think logically. My mind has a mind of its own, separate from my own. Perhaps its divided into 2, both logic and illogical thoughts tangled, consuming me, taking flight, preparing me for war. An evolutionary advantage perhaps, or a curse. It’s all the same. For now I find peace at my desk, in the dim-light of my room, listening to music and writing. That’s all I can do to keep those terrible thoughts at bay. But what if?

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