Loss of control. That start with slips in judgement. Little white lies. I used to think it was just beca use I was adventurous. Living life. Without a care in the world. Little did I know that that mental state of carelessness, impulsivity, risk-taking was not normal behavior. I went long periods with an intense euphoric feeling. Now I know, those manic states were self-induced through self-medication. To numb the pain. Hypersensitive and easily influenced. Naive. Dysfunctional. Those periods of highs were followed by crushing lows. And sometimes I even experienced mixed episodes, elation quickly followed by sadness; sadness followed by elation, sometimes all at once. I used to think it would be so gratifying to have a healthy normal mind but then I think, oh how boring life would be. Thus is the enigma of this dual-polarizing mental illness otherwise known as bipolar disorder.